


good people

by hyunibunni



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Manipulation, Marijuana, Mentioned Bang Chan, Mentioned Seo Changbin, Recreational Drug Use, Requited Love, Sexism, Skateboarding, basketball player! hyunjin, but this isn't about that so, head empty only han in a skirt, hyunjin is dyslexic, jisung wears skirts, thats also not really mentioned much, the home issues are lowkey super vague, vaguely set in america, with a little sprinkle of hyunjin pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28438653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunibunni/pseuds/hyunibunni
Summary: the world is a shitty place. but jisung thinks maybe all he needs is a few good people to make it better. like the old man who works at the convenience store, changbin and chris, jeongin, and jisung's neighbor, ms. lim. and of course, hyunjin.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	good people

**Author's Note:**

> this isn't beta'd i've had this in drafts for too long i just need to be done

jisung is sitting on the landing of the fire escape just outside his bedroom window when hyunjin comes climbing up. jisung’s told him over and over that he’s not supposed to do that, that’s why the last set of stairs don’t go down far enough for use in any direction but down. but hyunjin has never cared much for following the rules that bind everyone else in the world. he says if he really wasn’t supposed to go up them then god wouldn’t have blessed him with long legs and such a high jump. jisung thinks he’s an idiot. maybe that’s why he loves him.

hyunjin makes it to his landing and promptly drops across from him, slipping his fingers into jisung’s hoodie sleeves to find his hands and lace their fingers together. “what’s wrong?” he asks, leaning close to fix jisung with a small, goofy grin, one that cares, one that wants to help. he doesn’t know how hyunjin knows something is wrong. he always knows, but jisung shakes his head dejectedly,

“nothing.”

“jisung,” hyunjin says warningly, “why are you lying?” jisung stares at him for a long time, probably a full minute at least, and he expects hyunjin to say something else, to coax out his problems, but he doesn’t. he stays silent and jisung can’t stop his eyes from tearing up. now, hyunjin moves to comfort him, only to get pushed away by reluctant hands,

“you can’t,” jisung tells him. he glances back through his bedroom window to make sure no one from inside can see that hyunjin is even there at all, “dad’s home,” he whispers. hyunjin glares at the window but sits back down across from him. their hands are no longer connected.

“what happened?” hyunjin asks again, softer this time. jisung sniffles, wiping at his eyes and keeping them downcast,

“yeojun was looking for something in my laundry, i took his shirt by accident, or something, but it was in the same pile as— he… he found my skirt, the black one, my favorite one,” he doesn’t have many skirts, he doesn’t have many articles of women’s clothing in general, so hyunjin know’s exactly which one he’s talking about. it’s the black one, pleated and high waisted with lace trim along the hem. it’s one of hyunjin’s favorites too and he makes sure to say so every time jisung wears it, “and he thought it was jieun’s so he took it to her but since it’s not hers he ended up asking me about it when i got home and…” jisung looks up, “i didn’t know what to say—“ he sobs, curling his legs in underneath him to put his forehead on his knees as more tears roll down his cheeks.

“so he…?” hyunjin leaves his question open, not entirely knowing what he wants to ask.

“he knows,” jisung whispers, “and so does jieun. they didn’t seem that weirded out but if either of them tell dad he’s going to kill me.”

“fuck,” hyunjin breathes. jisung takes a deep breath and looks up again, desperate to be held right now. hyunjin reads his mind, “come on,” he says, standing up, already walking down the escape before jisung can steady himself on his feet, “let’s go cheer you up with a snack.”

“jinnie i can’t just—“

“yes you can,” hyunjin interrupts him, turning back just for a second to flash him a dazzling grin that never fails to make jisung swoon. jisung knows he’ll be expected at dinner in less than an hour but whenever hyunjin’s involved he can’t find it in himself to really care about anything else. especially not when his parents are involved in said something else. so he doesn’t think too hard about it and clammers down the stairs after him, jumping down at the end and stumbling right into hyunjin’s arms as his feet shakily hit the ground. hyunjin doesn’t miss a beat, steadying him and taking his hand to drag him away.

they walk down the block, weaving in and out of people as they get closer to hyunjin’s building and the park across the street. it’s a nice park. it has paths for bikers or runners, and there’s a playground which is a little on the small side but it’s for kids anyway. the main attraction is the skatepark in the middle and it wasn’t where he and hyunjin met, but jisung wishes it was. he thinks it would be more romantic that way. the people at the park are sweet and supportive. they don’t care that sometimes jisung shows up in skirts or loose, knee length dresses, or that he likes to paint his nails blue but only once in a while because he’ll just have to take it off again when he gets home. they don’t care that hyunjin kisses his cheeks and holds his hands. they’re good people.

“have you eaten dinner?” hyunjin asks when they stop at the crosswalk. he wraps himself around jisung’s back and makes himself comfortable, resting his chin on jisung’s shoulder.

“no,” jisung replies, “wasn’t hungry.”

“you have to eat,” hyunjin chastises, “do you want leftovers from my house or a sandwich?”

“i don’t have any money.”

“i do. what do you want?” jisung chews his bottom lip, mouth watering at the idea of a warm philly cheesesteak sandwich and lays chips. but he doesn’t say anything. he feels bad. hyunjin is always taking care of him. of course, he should’ve known, hyunjin can read him like an open book and knows what he’s thinking, “i’m offering, sung,” he reassures him, “what do you want?”

“a sandwich,” jisung mumbles, looking to the deli counter they’ve frequented many times as it was in the strip next to hyunjin’s building. he can’t help smiling as the short, old owner, steps out for a moment to fix one of his signs with a little bit of difficulty as a result of his height. he always tells the pair how jealous he is that they’re so tall, and hyunjin always jokes that jisung really only has two inches on him so there’s nothing to be jealous of. it’s not true, he has four inches on the old man at least, but he lets hyunjin tease him because it makes the old man laugh. he’s a good man. he knows they don’t hold each other’s hand because they are afraid of getting lost in his, _oh so big_ shop. he knows there’s unspoken feelings between them and smiles knowingly at jisung every time they visit —just before handing over their change and wishing them a good day.

once jisung is outfitted with a sandwich, chips, and a redbull, they make their way to the park. it’s pretty empty: they’re there at an odd time of the evening where all the little kids are gone and there’s just a few younger high school kids who’ll leave soon because it’s a tuesday and as much as they play tough they always listen to their parents. they sit side by side on one of the benches that surround the ramps and jisung begins to eat. he hasn’t eaten all day and only now does he realize how hungry he is. hyunjin sits close to him, their legs touching as he waits for jisung to get halfway through his meal before speaking.

“you okay?” he asks. jisung swallows thickly, washing down the lump in his throat with a quick sip of his drink. he doesn’t look at hyunjin when he replies,

“i’m scared.”

hyunjin’s silent for a beat, then, “you can keep your stuff at my house if you want,” he says, “i mean you always change at school anyways so you could just text me what you want —or come over early i don’t mind— and i’ll bring it for you. just so if your stepdad does find out he won’t find anything in your room.”

“i can’t ask you to—“

“jisung,” hyunjin interrupts once again with his warning voice, “what’s gotten into you? i thought we talked about this.”

“i’m sorry,” jisung murmurs but hyunjin just kisses his cheek and once again asks him what’s going on. jisung knows that to anyone else, this persistent behavior from hyunjin would be nosy and irritating. but they both know this is the only way jisung will talk. he keeps things inside, always afraid of being a burden, and so he stews in his own self hatred and doubt while constantly making time to lend an ear to peers in need. and hyunjin knows that for jisung to be in a good place mentally, he needs to talk about things. so jisung doesn’t find the repeated questions and constant pushing to be annoying or nosy, especially when hyunjin knows when to stop. instead he’s grateful for it. it’s a reminder that hyunjin cares about whatever is going on in his head and that he _wants_ to listen.

“don’t be,” hyunjin scolds him with no real malice behind his voice.

jisung tries again, “i don’t want my dad to find out. but i’d feel bad adding one more thing you have to worry about in the mornings.”

“it would take me, like, two seconds to grab what you need, jisung,” hyunjin deadpans, unimpressed by his excuse.

“yeah.”

“just let me know, okay?” jisung nods and hyunjin kisses his cheek again. jisung wonders idly what hyunjin would do if one day he turned his head and their lips met instead.

jisung’s stepdad does find out. but not because either of his siblings told him or their mom, in fact jisung now feels guilty for assuming they would out him like that when they’ve never given him a reason not to trust them. no, his stepdad finds out because the school got a new principal. jisung isn’t sure why their last one had to leave in the middle of the year but he was old and they had all been waiting for him to kick the bucket anyway. not that anyone knows if that’s why he’s gone, but that’s what everyone is saying. that he died.

the day their new principal arrived he went around to every class, wandering the halls, playing nice with the students and faculty. he’s young and jisung thought he might have been pretty decent until mr. jung saw him in the hall going back to class from the bathroom. today jisung had on a loose, babydoll style dress. on top he had a somewhat cropped oversized band tee and he had thrown on hyunjin’s dark grey basketball hoodie, because he got cold in physics and hyunjin was ever the gentlemen. it was a comfy day and personally, jisung thought he looked cute. so when mr. jung asked him to come to the office to ‘have a talk about his attire’, he was a little confused because he wasn’t breaking any dress codes.

“what is your name young man?” he asked, logging into his computer to pull up student files. once he had it open, he leaned back in his seat, fixing jisung with a stare that made his skin crawl.

“han jisung, sir.”

“mr. han,” jisung didn’t like the way he emphasized _mister_ when he addressed him, “my files say that you are male. is that correct?”

“yes.”

“then mr. han, can you tell me why you are wearing girl’s clothing?” jisung shifted uncomfortably, squeezing his legs together and tugging at the dress in a lame attempt to cover more of his legs.

“i like them.”

“and your nails are painted as well,” mr. jung continued, leaning forward on his elbows, “do you want to be a girl mr. han? is that why you’re dressing like this?” he couldn’t say he was shocked at the question. he knows that’s what some people think when they look at him and he’s comfortable enough with himself to know that isn’t the case. he wished he had more to say but mr. jung looked like he was absolutely disgusted and it squashed any shred of self confidence he mustered up earlier in the day.

“no,” he said, quietly.

“mr. han i hope you understand, you see, as principal it is my job to make sure my students are safe, receiving a good education, and most importantly are following the rules. now, you may like these clothes and outside of these school walls i can’t stop you from wearing it, however, in this building it is behavior i cannot allow,” mr. jung paused and jisung wanted to cry, not daring to meet his eyes for fear that he would, “rules are rules mr. han. men are not to be wearing women’s clothing, accessories, or using their beauty products, mr. han, it’s as simple as that. i’m afraid i’m going to have to write you up with a dress code violation,” he took out a pad of yellow papers from the drawer to his left and jisung’s stomach dropped, “now, you’ll have to go to detention for the rest of the week in the main study hall room, and from now on i don’t want to see you wearing anything like this, got it? as a matter of fact, change into your gym clothes before you go back to class.”

jisung forced himself to nod stiffly, still refusing to look mr. jung in the eye when he stood up to take the yellow slip from his outstretched hand. he couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

he went the rest of the day wearing his musty smelling, ratty gym clothes, feeling dirty in his own skin, and consistently on the verge of crying. when hyunjin found out he’d gotten detention for wearing a dress he got _very_ , very angry and jisung had to pull him back to the benches they sat at during lunch just so he wouldn’t do something stupid in his fit of rage.

when he gets home from detention his stepdad is waiting for him. he figures out pretty quickly that principal jung called his parents to let them know about his detention. his stomach churns. he smells food cooking in the kitchen and wishes he didn’t feel nauseous so he could enjoy it. but he probably won’t eat tonight, if this conversation goes how he thinks it’s going to, he’s going to lock himself in his room and cry until he falls asleep once it’s over. his stepdad had been sitting on his reclining chair and when jisung walks in he stands, putting down his book and taking off his glasses as he does so. he motions with his finger for jisung to follow him and they walk down the short hallway to his room. it’s silent after the door is closed and jisung hates it.

“well?” his dad asks finally, “where is it?”

“where is what?” jisung responds, his attempt at defiance reduced to a pathetic whimper by his inability to speak louder than a whisper in front of his dad. a voice in his head —that sounds like hyunjin— tells him he’s doing good for trying.

“the skirt jisung, or— he said you had on a dress, where is the dress?” he says, crossing his arms, “playing dumb won’t get you anywhere just tell me where it is.” jisung obediently opens his backpack and pulls out the ball of clothes he shed earlier. he isn’t as attached to this dress as he is to other articles of clothing, it’s a little plain, a solid maroon, but he’d gotten it with hyunjin and handing it over feels like he’s handing over the good memory along with it.

“i don’t have any more,” he says and he’s lucky it’s not a lie. knowing the rest of his stuff is safe, tucked away in a duffel bag in the back of hyunjin’s closet, provides him with just a little bit of relief for his tightening chest. his stepdad doesn’t look like he believes him but he decides not to push and jisung can’t decide if that’s good or not. he’s pretty sure he’s going to search the room when jisung’s not here. that’s what he does. jisung is pretty sure something about that is illegal.

“wipe that shit off your nails before dinner,” his dad says, glancing back at him with a scowl before he leaves. and it doesn’t matter that his dad has stopped giving him long lectures about things a long time ago because he knows just a disappointed look is enough to get the message across. it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t say ‘boys don’t wear skirts jisung’, or ‘you’re going to turn your siblings gay if you keep that bullshit up’, and it doesn’t even matter that he doesn’t casually mention that he’s probably like this because he’s gay even though that’s far from the reason why he wears what he does.

none of it matters because jisung has heard it all before and he knows in the way his dad is looking at him that’s what he’s thinking, it’s on the tip of his tongue but he doesn’t say anything because he believes jisung is beyond saving. there’s _no point_ anymore. he’s a lost cause. and jisung doesn’t know if it hurts more that he’s said those hurtful things in the past. his stepdad simply doesn’t care and he’s not surprised, not even slightly phased, that jisung really is the disappointment he always thought he was. and maybe that really is worse than drowning in blatant insults.

his stepdad leaves a weird, empty, hopeless feeling in the air as he goes. jisung locks the door behind him but it does little to make him feel safe in his own space. he texts yeojun and tells him he’s not feeling well so mom won’t come knocking in twenty minutes when the food is ready. he can’t bring himself to answer hyunjin’s texts, instead he lays down in bed and waits for the tears he’s been holding back all day to come rushing forward. but they don’t and he thinks maybe that’s this feeling he has in his chest. like he swallowed a peach pit whole and it’s lodged there stopping his emotions from bubbling out. he doesn’t think he could cry if he tried. and he’s tired. tired of feeling trapped, tired of watching his back, tired of not being understood, tired of the judgement.

he’s tired but sleep doesn’t come.

hyunjin hasn’t heard from jisung since school but at this point he thinks jisung must just be asleep. hyunjin wouldn’t blame him, he’s had a long day and its nearing midnight now. truthfully, hyunjin wishes he was asleep right now too. his bones ache from practice after dinner all he could think about was how amazing falling into bed would be. but his mom isn’t home yet and he has to be awake when she gets here, if she can make it up to their apartment by herself. he fully expects to be called from the lobby to be told that she needs his help to get up the stairs because the elevator is out of order.

he hasn’t taken a shower yet either because he knows if he does he’ll crash instantly, it’s just one more thing he has to do tonight before he can sleep and it looms over him with the same weight as a final exam or searching for colleges. so, he’s waiting for her to get back, sitting on the couch in a stew of his own dried sweat. he has cartoons playing _and_ fiddles with candy crush just to keep himself awake. he wishes jisung was up too.

when it nears one in the morning the door finally opens and hyunjin jumps to turn off the tv. he goes to the kitchen and fills up a glass of water, carrying it over as he meets his mom by the door. she’s trying to take off her coat but she can’t figure out that her purse is strapped across her body and that’s what’s making it difficult. hyunjin sets the water on the small catch-all table next to them and reaches to help her.

“i’on need your— help,” she slurs, shoving him away.

“mom your purse,” hyunjin tries, moving to grab it and pull it off her, once again, “just take it off first.” she shoves him harder this time and his back knocks into the table. the cup of water he’d just filled up goes crashing to the floor.

“i said no!” she barks, proceeding to practically rip her jacket off and only after does she take her purse off. both get left in a heap on the floor among the water and broken glass. mrs. hwang stumbles further into the house, making her way to the bathroom while hyunjin is left with her mess. he sighs as he watches her go, bottom lip stuck between his teeth. he turns back to the mess, hanging his head in his hands, praying for the strength to deal with this without carelessly hurting himself. the last thing he needs is cut up hands that’ll never heal with blunt force from a basketball hitting it over and over.

he steps lightly around the shards, picking up her coat and purse to hang them on the hook just to the right of the door. then he fishes around for her phone and plugs it into the charger he plugged in at the catch-all table for nights like this, to save himself the trouble of looking all over the house for a cord. his mom moves out of the bathroom with heavy feet that scuff against the floor, something she always scolds hyunjin for doing.

he gets a new glass of water and follows her quietly. he waits in the door frame, eyes cast downwards as she rids herself of her shirt and bra, followed by her jeans, and then flops into bed like that. he sets the water on her nightstand along with two pain killers that he takes from the small bottle in the top drawer. of all the junk that’s accumulated over the years in that small drawer, the little, white advil bottle will never be lost to the chaos —no matter how much hyunjin prays and wishes it would. he leaves as quiet as possible, avoiding the squeaky spot in the floor, and shutting her door with the utmost care.

he cleans the broken glass as quick as he can, not leaving a moment to get distracted by thoughts that don’t have something to do with the task at hand. he finally takes a shower and it nearly kills him. he does manages to make it out before he falls to the floor in a sleepy heap, just to struggle for ten minutes with drying himself off because the hot water eased his muscles into jelly. just before he tucks in, hyunjin checks his phone one more time, disappointed to see nothing new from jisung —though he knows if the latter was awake they would only end up yelling at each other to go to bed and would inevitably end up face-timing for at least thirty minutes before that happened. he falls asleep after much tossing and turning. it’s restless.

jisung taps hyunjin’s desk with the eraser on his pencil, giving him a questioning look. he hasn’t done a single question on their practice packet and he’s tried, really, but he can’t focus on anything today. he’s lucky their teacher didn’t notice him with his head in his hands for the past fifteen minutes or he would surely be scolded with no mercy in front of the class for his ‘laziness’. 

hyunjin just shakes his head, looking back at the history reading in front of him. his mind is anywhere but school and its not helping that his lack of focus is only making it nearly impossible to read anything. the letters on the page twist and turn and mix together like a sad bowl of alphabet soup. he puts his hands on either side of his temples, narrowing his eyes at the reading. as if that’s really going to help.

he hears jisung shift beside him and out of the corner of his eye he sees jisung’s paper laying on the seam between their desks. he’s working on the opposite page, pretending to not realize that hyunjin can clearly see all of his answers. hyunjin glances at the clock. he has twenty minutes to put something on his page or mr. oh will have his head. it takes every last bit of energy he has to read jisung’s answers properly and twist them a little for his own worksheet.

when class finally ends hyunjin bolts, tossing his papers into the pile on mr. oh’s desk and weaving his way to the gym before it’s gets too flooded and he’s left moving at a snails pace trying to get somewhere that’s just a hallway away. jisung is hot on his tail as always. they get halfway there before it starts to get crowded. jisung grabs his hand —so he won’t loose him, of course— and hyunjin smiles to himself.

“you’re a lifesaver,” hyunjin tells him when they reach the small hallway entrance to the boys locker room. they’re alone now and even though just around a corner there’s still tons of noisy kids running for the busses, it feels peaceful.

“fuck him and his ‘exam test prep’. he just gives us so much work just so he doesn’t have to teach,” jisung huffs. then he glances at hyunjin with softer eyes, “what’s up with you? you’ve been sort of out of it all day.”

“mom’s been worse recently,” hyunjin tells him quietly, eyes trained on the door in case someone comes their way. he doesn’t need the whole school knowing the woes of taking care of his alcoholic mother, “she broke a glass the other day, shoved me a little, nothing too bad it’s just…every time she gets like this i get scared that one day she’s gonna—” he can’t finish his sentence but jisung knows what he means. he swallows thickly as jisung wraps him up in a hug, “and i feel like this past two weeks especially, she’s coming home later and later so i’m not sleeping as much, and then i’m just tired for school which, you know, just makes my dyslexia worse so i’ve been doing shit in my classes lately,” he pauses, sighing into jisung’s neck, “and on top of that i can’t seem to get my head into practice either so coach has been pissed at me and i can tell some of the guys are getting frustrated too. and we have our first game—”

“hey,” jisung interrupts, pulling back to look hyunjin in the eye, “take a deep breath,” he instructs with a warm smile, wiping his thumb across hyunjin’s cheek to get rid of a tear he hadn’t even noticed fell, “you’re doing your best, jinnie. you have a lot going on and even though you don’t think so you’re handling it better than a lot of people would. _i_ , for one, am really proud of you.”

hyunjin can’t help but grin, leaning over to press a chaste kiss to jisung’s cheek, “thank you,” he mumbles.

“i’m here for you, jinnie, always,” jisung says, incredibly serious despite the cute red flush taking over his cheeks, “we haven’t had a chance to properly hang out in a while, maybe this weekend we can do something to take your mind off of everything?” he suggests, “maybe it’ll help clear your head.”

“yeah,” hyunjin nods, “saturday?” two of hyunjin’s teammates, changbin and chris —each of them big and strong, and sweet like candy, good friends who are encouraging and supportive on and off the court— pass them in the middle of their own casual conversation and hyunjin waves. jisung offers them a polite, tight lipped smile, and waits for them to leave.

“i’m free but i can’t stay late,” he says when they’re alone again, “i have church on sunday at nine am.” hyunjin watches jisung’s eyes flick to the side when he says that, and though hyunjin doesn’t say anything it’s apparently clear that he wants to because jisung sighs and meets his eyes again a moment later, “it’s fine,” he insists, “it’ll get dad off my case, so,” he shrugs with a little, light grin stretching thin across his pretty face, “i’ll see you tomorrow?”

“of course.” hyunjin cups his cheek, lightly kissing the other before he turns on his heels and hurries to the locker room to change.

a month into senior year, jisung’s mom kicks his stepdad out of the apartment. they’re done, he’s not allowed near the family, he’s out of their life for good, and jisung has never felt happier in his life. he goes to hyunjin’s to share the news, greeted with a tight hug and a comfortable shoulder for his happy tears. he can’t even get a hold of himself for two seconds to tell hyunjin what’s going on and as overwhelmed as he is, hyunjin’s calm, assuring murmurs in his ear sound so sweet and loving and jisung just ends up crying harder because _fuck_ he loves hyunjin so much.

he forces himself away for a second, to wipe his nose on his hoodie sleeve and laugh in spite of how emotional he is, “i’m okay jinnie,” he says, using his other sleeve to wipe his eyes, “they’re happy tears.”

“what?” hyunjin stares at him for a second and then smacks him right on the arm, “you scared me half to death, idiot!” he pulls jisung back in, holding him even tighter than before and jisung just laughs into his neck. he finally has the sense to return the hug too.

“i’m sorry,” he mumbles, not really able to move much with his face squished in hyunjin’s neck.

“it’s okay. what are we happy crying about?”

“my mom kicked him out,” hyunjin pushes him away, holding him at arms length, staring bug-eyed like he doesn’t believe it. jisung didn’t either when his mom told him, “yeah, he’s not my dad anymore. he’s gone.”

“oh my god,” hyunjin blinks, “oh my god! jisung!” and then they’re hugging again, jisung’s crying and he loves every second of it. his heart feels so full. “we should celebrate,” hyunjin suggests.

jisung grins, “i mean, honesty, i would love to smoke.” he hasn’t smoked in a while, with his stepdad being on his case more than usual he hasn’t dared get more bud in case he searches the room again, and hyunjin’s been busy with preseason for varsity basketball this year so he hasn’t been smoking as much either.

“then we are getting _smacked_ tonight,” hyunjin declares, dragging him to his room. before he does anything, hyunjin pulls jisung’s duffel bag out and tosses it to him, “you can change too, if you want.” and so jisung he gets changed, just because he can. hyunjin starts grinding up his bud on his desk, facing away from jisung as he’s slipping his clothes off, and listens as jisung starts to give him a run down of the past few months in his life leading up to his stepdad getting kicked out.

“i wanted to tell you,” jisung says, “i just didn’t want to jinx it, you know? it really sucked hearing them argue so much, even when it started and it was like little stuff, they were so loud. there were a lot of nights i wanted to leave. but i knew i’d have to explain what was going on and as much as it sucked i didn’t want it to stop. like, i know it was bad and i know my mom went through it, but we all knew something big would have to happen for her to realize he was no good, you know?” hyunjin hums in understanding and jisung pulls a new shirt over his head. it’s actually hyunjin’s, but he doesn’t like how his other shirt looks with the skirt he wants to wear and he knows the blond won’t care. jisung’s stolen too many of hyunjin’s hoodies and t-shirts for him to start caring now, “anyway, i just thought if i let myself get too happy about the potential of him leaving then it would all come crashing down.”

“you don’t have to sound so apologetic for not telling me ji,” hyunjin tells him, “you’re my best friend but that doesn’t mean you have to tell me _everything_ , you know that right?” dressed now, jisung walks over and wraps his arms around hyunjin’s neck, resting his chin on hyunjin’s head,

“i know.” he watches hyunjin continue to grind his bud and get everything out to roll them two perfect joints. he was always much better at it than jisung. as he’s rolling, jisung tells him about how his siblings, older than them and in college though they live at home, apologized for not standing up to their stepdad. it wasn’t their fault, apparently their stepdad was controlling everyone in one way or another. no one had any idea of the kinds of things he was saying to jisung behind the closed door of his bedroom. no one had any idea that going to church wasn’t because of a sudden desire to connect with god. none of them knew what was going on in their own home, with their own family. apparently their mom had only found out something was up because the man had messed up —right in front of his mom, he called jisung some ugly name and insisted he was going to hell. jisung’s mom hadn’t been the best at coming to accept him, but she learned. because above everything she loved him and jisung nearly cried when she came to him later that night and apologized for not paying better attention, for bringing a man like that into their house.

by the time he finishes telling the important parts of the story, hyunjin has two blunts on his desk and everything is put away except for his bowl and some extra bud in the grinder. “so,” he starts, leaning over to take one of them for himself. he sits back on hyunjin’s bed, just a step away from the desk chair because it’s too small for him to have a desk in here in the first place but he doesn’t mind the tight squeeze as long as it means a plain, quiet place he can sit and focus on his schoolwork, “now that i don’t have to think about that asshole anymore, are we getting high or what?” hyunjin turns in his chair, tucking his legs underneath him. he doesn’t say anything for a minute. then, he silently reaches behind him and pulls out the lighter but he doesn’t hand it, —purple one, the one that’s unofficially, officially jisung’s— over yet. he flips it over and over in his palm,

“i’m really happy he’s out of your life, ji,” he says. he doesn’t look up, “i was worried, for a little bit.”

“about what?”

“i don’t know. you.”

“you don’t have to be.”

“i know. i know you don’t always need someone or want someone, ‘cause you’re really fucking tough and brave on your own, and i get why you didn’t tell me i just… you know i’m here, right?” jisung wants to start crying again. hyunjin finally looks up, “just because i don’t always push you to tell me what’s bugging you like we talked about, doesn’t mean i’m not going to listen if you need me to. i want you to know you can just talk to me, no more letting it stir inside and get dark and depressing until i finally ask you. okay? i know, this time your reason for not talking to me wasn’t entirely logical, but i mean it does make some sense, so, just, for the future okay? i was really worried about you and i’m sorry you might not have known because i was busy all summer with preseason and club and work, but i was. please promise me you’ll at least remember i’m here.”

jisung has no idea how he isn’t bursting into tears right now, but he’s holding himself together really well despite hyunjin looking at him with the prettiest eyes that he swears absolutely _shine_ with love and care and all the emotions that make jisung think for a second that this is the moment he’s been waiting for. deep down he knows it’s not. this moment is emotional, sure, but it wouldn’t be right if he cut this important conversation short. so instead of kissing hyunjin square on the lips, jisung pushes his legs so they’re flat on the seat. then he climbs into hyunjin’s lap to give him the tightest hug he can muster.

“i know hyunjin,” he whispers, “i promise, i’ll be better at talking to you.”

“you don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to,” hyunjin tells him again, “even if i’ll always listen. but, maybe just a ‘hey i’m not having a good day, i’ll text you if i need you’, you know? so i don’t spend all day worrying about your dumbass.” he ruffles the back of jisung’s hair and laughs a little into his neck. he’s trying to make the situation lighter, jisung knows, and he appreciates it even though he can hear the slight strain in hyunjin’s voice as he tries not to get too worked up about it.

“i know,” jisung says, staring to feel like a broken record, “i will,” he pulls away to fix hyunjin with a stern face, purely comical just to make him laugh. he gets a smile and decides its good enough, “only if you promise me the same thing.”

“deal.” hyunjin leans over, kisses jisung’s right cheek, and slaps his purple lighter into his chest before he can blink twice, “now, if it’s alright with you, i’d like to get stoned.”

“it’s about time,” jisung jokes. he gets up to open one of the windows, then sits back on the bed with his legs crossed. hyunjin joins him. as is tradition for some reason, jisung lights his own blunt first, taking a long, satisfying drag and holding it in as he holds the light out for hyunjin to then light his own. only after does jisung exhale in the general direction of the window, but it doesn’t _really_ matter because hyunjin purposefully broke his fire alarm in his room so they wouldn’t have to worry about smoke in the apartment

“you can keep that shirt if you want,” hyunjin says suddenly, “it looks better on you anyway.”

“you say that every time i wear your clothes.”

“yeah, ‘cause it’s always true.” jisung tries not to blush too hard,

“thanks.”

they smoke, and listen to music, and talk about anything and everything until its been thirty minutes and jisung’s jaw hurts with how much he’s been laughing but he can’t tell if its because he finished his joint or just because hyunjin’s company is that great. he lifts himself up on his knees for a second to adjust his clothes and when he nearly falls over he determines that yeah, he’s way higher than he thought he was. hyunjin jumps up to catch him, holding his hips with hands so hot jisung can feel them burn through his shirt and its just for a second but it feels like an eternity. he fixes his skirt when hyunjin lets go and flops back onto his side, watching his every move like a hawk.

“i wish you’d wear them more often,” hyunjin mumbles, “you’re so pretty.”

“you know i can’t, that assface mr. jung will just write me up.”

“that has to be against the law or something. i thought schools weren’t allowed to discriminate against their students based on gender, race, sexuality or whatever.”

“that’s the law for jobs.”

“so? it should apply to schools too.” hyunjin’s pouting like _he’s_ the one getting in trouble for his clothing choices and jisung has half a mind to keep his hands to himself before he does something stupid. ‘cause what the fuck is hyunjin so cute for?

“well if you wanna go tell that to mister assface jung then be my guest.”

“maybe i will,” hyunjin muses, though they both know he won’t. he would fight someone for jisung, he has before, but not the principal. the principal can take away his spot on the basketball team with just one suspension —which would likely be his punishment— and he needs his spot so he can play in front of college scouts. he needs a scholarship to be able to afford it.

even though it’s empty words, jisung crawls over to where hyunjin’s laid himself out across the whole length of his bed. he’s on his back now, giving jisung easy access to the expanse of his chest, which he promptly lays himself on. hyunjin wheezes under the pressure but wraps his arms around jisung’s middle to keep him from escaping. not like he was planning on going anywhere. “how sweet of you,” jisung cooes, lips brushing hyunjin’s neck.

“what is?”

jisung giggles, “you said you’d fight the principal for me.”

“oh yeah,” hyunjin pauses, “he’s not gonna know what hit him.” he playfully hits jisung’s back while making cartoon action noises like ‘pow!’ and ‘bap!, and it feels more like a massage than an assault so jisung happily takes it until hyunjin settles down after a small fit of laughter.

“can we go skate?” jisung asks after a minute.

“just a minute ago you couldn’t stand.”

“yeah.”

“and… now you’ve decided trying to balance on a moving board is a good idea?”

“uh huh!” jisung pushes himself off of hyunjin into an upright position on his knees again. his head spins and he has to close his eyes for a second, waiting for his brain to settle down inside his skull. when he opens his eyes hyunjin is also sitting up, watching him with amusement in his eyes. jisung stands up off the bed, perfectly still on his feet, “see?” he gloats, “i’m perfectly fine.”

“okay,” hyunjin laughs, joining him as he hunts around for his shoes and a jacket to wear over his shoulders. he ends up taking one of hyunjin’s. with their boards tucked under their arms and a happy buzz filling their bodies they walk downstairs as quietly and normally as they can. which ends up being somewhat of a failure when hyunjin trips over his shoelace that he forgot to tie and falls down the last two steps of the second staircase. jisung nearly joins him on his ass from just laughing so hard at his distraught groans of pain where he lays on the dirty floor of the landing.

jisung ties his shoe for him, helps him up, and keeps a tight hold on his hand as they go down the last set of stairs. to make sure you don’t fall again, he’d said, pulling hyunjin along before he could protest that he wasn’t a little kid and could walk on his own. they both know even if he complained he wouldn’t let go of jisung’s hand anyway. and they stay with their hands entwined the whole walk to the skate park.

jeongin is there alone. he’s a junior from a school not far from their own. he has teal hair that’s starting to look more like heavily chlorinated blond hair than a cool green-blue that was done on purpose. he’s in desperate need of a redye, but no one would ever tell him that because that would be rude. besides, he knows. he’s a good kid, a cheerful kid with a blinding smile that he shows to anyone who looks his way despite his complaints that his braces make him look like a sixth grader. they don’t, the rest of his face is too mature and sharp for that, but still, they don’t tell him. he knows.

“hey jeongin!” hyunjin calls out when the splash of ugly blue comes into view. jeongin nearly falls off his board trying to look back to see who’s talking to him but he manages to stay on his feet.

“hi!” he waves, “what the fuck are you two doing out here this fucking late?” jeongin talks like a twelve year old that just learned swear words. jisung thinks it’s hilariously charming.

“could ask you the same thing!” hyunjin retorts. jisung seems to be the only one acutely aware that they are yelling at midnight and even though the city is never truly at rest, some people in the nearby houses might be trying to sleep. he doesn’t tell them to shut up.

“i never fucking sleep!” jeongin laughs, tipping over the side of the ramp suddenly and with no fear as he plummets down on old, worn out wheels. when they make it over to the rink he stops and fixes them with a knowing stare, “how high are you right now?”

hyunjin just grins, bloodshot eyes crinkling adorably, “i have no idea what you’re talking about.” he walks to the ramps and drops his board to the ground, beginning to lazily skate around the park. jisung watches for a long minute. hyunjin’s hair isn’t tied up for once, maybe it's because he knows how much jisung likes it down, or maybe he just forgot a hair tie. either way it’s pretty and jisung gets lost watching it whip around behind him, watching it get tangled in his fingers every time he goes to sweep a few strands out of his face.

then jeongin startles him, “i like your skirt,” he says looking down, “you haven’t worn one in a long ass time.”

“i got in trouble,” jisung shrugs, “stepdad.” jeongin’s their ‘best skater friend’. they talk a decent amount outside of the park and jeongin’s joined them for a smoke sesh at hyunjin’s house a couple of times. he has a general idea of how shitty jisung’s stepdad is —was— and he knows hyunjin cares way too much about his absent alcoholic mom. like any good friends, they know the source of jeongin’s insomnia and because he’s always skating in the dead of night, they make an effort to meet him at the park whenever they’re up with no intention of sleeping either.

“fuck, was it bad?”

“i guess, he took one of my comfiest dresses and threw out all the nail polish i had. and he made me go to church to do the whole, ‘fixing’ thing, but he just got kicked out so,” jisung fingers the hem of his skirt, “i decided i’m gonna wear these again.”

“that’s really fucking good,” jeongin gives him a little half hug, “he was a fuckin’ shithead.”

“you’re telling me,” jisung snorts. he leaves jeongin at the pavement to take a leap of faith and ride down into the ramps. hyunjin, on the other side of the rink, hears the second board and with glassy eyes jisung can just make out the cheeky grin stretched thin across his lips. jisung wants to kiss him until they’re stupid and breathless.

he’s trying to make his way over but hyunjin doesn’t let him catch up, darting off as soon as he sees jisung coming close. he ends up chasing hyunjin around the rink, not on purpose and not with any real effort to get to him —so really he’s just following, looping around and around the exact path hyunjin ran through moments before. jeongin watches from the top of the ramp with a monster energy drink he must’ve brought with him, and though jisung’s brain is pretty empty he has moments where he realizes his legs are just... out and yet he can’t feel any prickling goosebumps even though he should. it’s nice and peaceful and jisung wishes this moment would stretch on forever and ever.

but hyunjin hits the part of the high where he’s exhausted. jisung watches as he manages to get out of the ramps but then flops onto the ground completely boneless. jisung joins him a moment later and helps him stand on wobbly feet, “you wanna go back?” he asks.

“if you want to stay longer we can,” hyunjin says. they’ve only been here about twenty minutes. but jisung just shakes his head because hyunjin’s clinging to him like a baby he’s so tired.

“don’t stay out here too long,” he tells jeongin.

“yeah, yeah,” jeongin waves him off, “see you guys!” hyunjin separates himself from jisung to grab his board and throw a little salute in jeongin’s direction before they’re walking hand in hand back towards hyunjin’s apartment. the city isn’t empty, there’s taxis running and some clubbers out too, and there’s a general hum of life in their ears but the air is still remarkably calm around them. maybe jisung’s still just too high to be annoyed by any of it. they manage to go through most of the crosswalks without having to stop, until they get to a busy intersection and hyunjin takes the moment to lean into jisung’s back, resting his chin on his shoulder. he’s starting to get tired too, too tired to be supporting the weight of another person, but he doesn’t dare push hyunjin away.

“you’re really good, ji,” hyunjin murmurs after a moment.

“what?”

“like, you’re good, you’re a good person.” plain and simple. jisung smiles.

“oh. thanks, jinnie. you’re good too.”

“thanks.” hyunjin yawns. they probably have a few seconds before the lights turn red and the little green man lets them walk. jisung turns his head a little, eyeing hyunjin as best he can. his eyes are closed.

“i love you,” jisung says. he watches —even though its such an awkward angle that it hurts him to strain his eyes like this— as hyunjin just smiles, gentle and kind, his eyes staying closed. he doesn’t know he’s being watched. or maybe he just doesn’t care.

“i love you too jisung.” and jisung’s heart almost bursts.

hyunjin steals a handful of jisung’s white cheddar flavored popcorn. jisung lets him. they’re on his fire escape again. it seems they’ve spent a lot of time here over the past few years of high school, but especially now at the end of senior year with graduation approaching they’ve been sitting here a lot. sometimes during the day, sometimes at night, sometimes they’re high, usually they’re sober. there’s almost always snacks and something entertaining to mindless watch down below on the street while they chat. they sit shoulder to shoulder, even now as the days start to heat up and they’re sweaty and sticky when they finally stand up to be productive.

hyunjin still never goes through the door. even if they’re just hanging out, he refuses to use the front door like any normal person would. he says it’s because then it puts some power behind the rules that jisung’s ‘ex’ stepdad put in place. like, if he continues to use the fire escape then it’s like he wanted to all along as opposed to the alternative where he goes back to using the door because _now_ he’s allowed to be in the house. in a weird way jisung understands. hyunjin’s still a big, tall, idiot for it though.

(jisung still loves him for it too.)

today was a senior skip day. naturally hyunjin and jisung spent most of it at the skate park. they met up with jeongin who was skipping school just because he felt like it. they didn’t scold him for it even though as seniors maybe they should've. to set a good example and all that. but instead they spent a good two hours laughing and messing around with him and some of the other ‘regulars’ that were also not in school like they should’ve been.

hyunjin’s basketball practice got cancelled too. he plays for a club team during the off season and chris is on the team with him. they’re really good, much better than the school team will ever be, so jisung makes sure to go to ever single club game as long as hyunjin tells him the schedule and he isn’t already working. they don’t practice as often as the school team but they do practice longer. hyunjin usually leaves around four and gets done at seven. jisung has no idea how he does it.

and jisung doesn’t work today either. he never works thursdays, so while it isn’t a fun little surprise like senior skip day plans or a last minute cancelation, it does make the day a little better. because now he can sit here on the fire escape with chips and his best friend and just exist.

“han jisung is that you?” jisung strains his neck to see over the metal bars. ms. lim is staring up at the escape with her hand up to block the sun. she’s a lovely neighbor and a good woman whom has jisung cat-sitted for a few times. she’s middle aged and lives alone, and she’s very tall and thin, but she’s constantly baking the most delectable, buttery, sugar filled treats that she’s quick to share with everyone who lives around them. she works out every morning to maintain such a nice body.

“hi ms. lim!” he calls down with a wave.

“is that hyunjin with you?” and she knows all about jisung’s love for his best friend. she’s a great listener.

“hey ms. lim!” hyunjin replies, poking his head up at the mention of his name.

“i haven’t seen you around in forever!”

“i know, i’ve been really busy but everything’s finally slowing down.” it’s not a _total_ lie. senior year has definitely had its moments of intense and overwhelming workload.

“that’s good! you boys ready to graduate?”

“very ready,” jisung chirps and hyunjin nods enthusiastically.

“good, good. well come by for a bite sometime and catch up with me, okay? especially you han jisung, my poor kitties miss you.”

jisung beams, “i will!” ms. lim waves goodbye to them and continues on her way. she’s likely just on her way up to her apartment, coming home from work. jisung settles back into his seat even though his tailbone is starting to really ache with how long they’ve been there on the hard metal landing. he looks over at hyunjin who’s already looking at him. their noses touch.

“hey,” hyunjin laughs.

“hi.” jisung lifts his hand, cupping hyunjin’s cheek. he rubs his thumb across hyunjin’s flushed skin for just a moment: one, two, three gentle sweeps is all he gets and then they’re kissing. no big build up, no long and somewhat convoluted confession beforehand, they just do it.

jisung always imagined their first kiss would be intense and desperate, as a testament to how long they’ve wanted it, but this is anything but that. they’re slow and soft, and jisung loves how simple it is, to push against hyunjin’s lips and feel his whole body tingle as his nervous energy fades away. it just _happens_. over and over again hyunjin kisses him until they’re breathless and jisung can’t think straight just like he’d wanted that night his stepdad left for good and now that its real and happening it feels so right.

hyunjin pulls away first, a giddy laugh bubbling up from his throat as he watches jisung with those beautiful eyes of his. “i’ve always wondered if you were a good kisser or not,” he says.

“oh my god.”

“i mean i thought you’d be kind of a noob but you’re pretty good!”

“what?” jisung shrieks, punching hyunjin in the shoulder. “you thought i’d be a shitty kisser?” hyunjin’s laughing as jisung tries to shimmy away from him (mostly to face him properly but also to be dramatic) and he grabs jisung’s wrists, pulling him close again.

“i mean, yeah? you’ve only kissed one person!”

“in eighth grade, that hardly counts.”

“you’re only proving my point,” hyunjin points out fondly.

“oh fuck off.” he’s scowling at hyunjin with all his might but for the life of him can’t keep it up for longer than two seconds. how can he when hyunjin’s looking at him like he is, bashful even though his actions are anything but (and how could they be? he might be shy because they're kissing but it's _jisung_. sure he's liked jisung for ages but he knows him inside and out. as red as his cheeks might be this is also probably the easiest thing he's ever done). when he’s waited what feels like his whole life for this, when hyunjin threads their fingers together and kisses him like the world is ending tomorrow.

and jisung thinks about all those times he almost did it. back when they were younger, when hyunjin’s mom wasn’t getting help and he was bending over backwards just to make sure she was alive and in her bed at the end of every night, not even getting a simple ‘thank you’ in return. when jisung was a helpless subject to his stepdad and lost all motivation to express himself just because of a few bigots. back when they needed each other in a way they don’t need each other now. when one of them would’ve probably done something stupid without the other by his side to help him off the ledge.

jisung is glad he didn’t seize any of those moments. he thinks they would remember how he and hyunjin got together and a floodgate of nasty memories would come with. they aren’t the most grown up they’ll ever be, they still have years and years for that, but they’re in a better place. jisung thinks for the first time in a long time he’s genuinely happy with his life. and he thinks this, right now, kissing hyunjin on his fire escape in the middle of april as the sun beats down so mercilessly that jisung can feel a drop of sweat roll down his neck, this is the moment he’d like to remember. the moment he and hyunjin finally got together.

**Author's Note:**

> give me your thoughts!!!


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